Starting Over (New Beginnings #1) Page 9

  "You're up early." Connor said.

  "Yeah I couldn't sleep; I've been up since five."

  Connor raised his eyes in surprise.

  "Yeah betrayal can do that to a guy," Hayden added as he stepped closer to his cousin. He pulled his arm back and then quickly punched him square in the jaw. "You son of a bitch." he said as Connor stumbled backwards.

  Connor was about to retaliate but had a bad feeling that made him pull back instead.

  "What the hell Hayden?"

  "You slept with her, you ass! You knew how I felt about her, but you couldn't help yourself. You know she won't do a relationship, and yet you were happy to use her anyway to get your jollies off.

  "What? How?"

  "Sarah came looking for her at about five this morning. Where else could she have been? Please tell me she wasn't with you Connor. Please tell me she was somewhere else."

  "Well, since you already punched me for it anyway." Connor snarled getting ready to defend himself. He knew he could take Hayden in a fight if he had to, they'd been there before, but it was hard work and they'd both come out the worse for wear.

  Hayden shook his head and walked away, before he ended up punching his cousin again.

  "Just stay away from me Connor."

  Connor wasn't sure he could feel any worse than he had when Ash had left his bed, but he did. He knew all along that Hayden would blame him if he found out, he could deal with that, they'd work it out. He didn't know how he was going to be able to say goodbye to Ash though. Maybe he could just head home now, before anybody else got up, take the cowards way out. Or maybe he could put the weekend behind him; maybe he really could carry on as if nothing changed, like he asked her to do. Then tomorrow, when everyone's gone he can get to the music writing that he specifically bought this place for. He would sit out here and play and write so he could get back in the studio as soon as possible. Yep, that's what he was going to do.

  ****

  Chapter 10

  Ash hated goodbyes at the best of times, and by the time lunch came around she was stressing about how to find five minutes alone with Connor to say goodbye. She hadn't seen Hayden all morning either, even while the kids were all swimming both he and Connor were noticeably absent and she was starting to worry. She didn't think Connor would tell Hayden, aside from the fact that he'd promised not to let anyone know, she knew he wasn't comfortable about the relationship between her and Hayden, so she was pretty sure he wouldn't want him to know what happened.

  They were supposed to be leaving straight after lunch but Hayden still hadn't shown. She and the girls were all packed and ready to go as soon as they finished lunch but now she was unsure of what was going on.

  Connor came into the dining room as she was finishing up lunch and walked straight over to her.

  "Can I talk to you outside for a minute when you've finished eating?"

  "Yeah. No worries." she replied, knowing her voice betrayed her.

  Hayden came in as Connor walked out onto the deck; he too walked straight up to Ash.

  "Are you ready to go as soon as I finish eating?"

  "Yeah, for sure. The girls and I are all packed; I just need to grab our bags out of the room."

  "All right, I'll meet you at the car in about fifteen minutes."

  Ash nodded and as soon as Hayden walked off, she picked up her drink and went over to the girls.

  "Finish up eating and start saying goodbye, we're leaving soon."

  "Oh, do we have to?"

  "Can't we stay a bit longer?"

  "No arguments please, get organized I'll be back in a minute."

  Ash walked out through the doors to the deck and looked around for Connor. Before she could turn her head to look in the opposite direction he grabbed her and pushed her back against the wall, pressing his lips down on hers passionately. Too quickly though, he pulled away and looked into her eyes.

  "Please tell me you've changed your mind Ash. I need to see you again."

  Ash didn't answer, just looked away.

  "Okay then. I'll go in and say goodbye to the girls. I'm not coming out to the car when you leave. See you Ash!"

  Connor left Ash standing there for a few moments to collect her thoughts. She wanted to rush after him, to say sorry, yes please, call me when you get back to the city. But she hesitated. Even if she did, what could they have? He was an upcoming rock star, and she was a no-body; a no-body with two kids who wasn't going to put her family in any situation where they might be hurt.

  "Ash?" Deb called through the doors.

  "Yeah."

  "Oh here you are girl. Hayden's looking for you. "

  Ash looked at her watch "Oh damn, I didn't realize."

  "Oh don't worry about him; he's just a grumble bum. Hey are you okay?" Deb asked ass she noticed the look on Ash face.

  "Yeah I'm good." Ash said, plastering a fake smile and giving Deb a hug goodbye. "Thank you for this weekend, I had a ball. It was so nice to meet you."

  "Hey, you don't get off that easy. I'll get your number off Hayden, I'll be in touch; we need to catch up sometime. Okay?"

  Ash smiled "Yeah, see you soon."

  Ash noticed Connor’s absence as she made the rounds saying goodbye to everyone, with all the girls promising to stay in touch. Ash was conflicted, she loved the girls’ company, but she didn't know if she would be able to deal with seeing Connor again. She'd have to play things by ear.

  ****

  In the car everything was quiet. the girls were watching a DVD and Hayden was uncomfortably silent, giving no more than one word answers to any of her questions.

  "Are you okay Hayden?" Ash eventually asked.

  "Fine." was all the reply she got.

  "Mummy where were you last night?" Sarah asked from the backseat. "I woke up but you weren't there, I went looking for you but I couldn't find you. Hayden put me back to bed."

  Crap, crap, damn, damn, Ash thought.

  "I couldn't sleep; I was sitting out on the back deck."

  "Hhmph." Hayden grunted beside her.

  "Is that what this is about? Is that why I've been getting the cold shoulder all morning?" Ash questioned Hayden. Sarah had already gone back to her movie having got the answer she needed.

  "Whatever Ash. I'm worried he'll hurt you, that's all. ‘Cause then I'll have to hurt him, and even though I am so mega hugely ticked off at him at the moment, he's still my cousin, and I still love him."

  "He's not going to hurt me Hayden; I gave him the same alternative I gave you. He just chose the other option."

  "Yeah, exactly. He doesn't care about you Ash. I do."

  "Can we discuss this later please." she said, gesturing to the back seat.

  "You brought it up... but sure." Hayden replied.

  "You're still not going to talk to me though are you?"

  "Whatever."

  "Yeah great." Ash replied, turning to face out the window and settle in for a long boring drive home.

  Hayden dropped Ash and the girls off out front of her house with nothing more than a "See you at work."

  She didn't even get a chance to say thank you before he had taken off down the street to his own place. She had contemplated inviting him in, but figured it was pretty pointless if he wasn't going to talk to her anyway, and they wouldn't get a chance to talk until the girls were in bed in any case.

  ****

  Ash was feeling miserable as she unpacked, put in a load of washing and prepared dinner. She was already missing Connor; she couldn't stop thinking about him, about their night together, about their morning on the lake. And when she managed to forget about him for five minutes she started thinking about Hayden instead; she missed him too, and hoped he'd get over his anger with her sooner rather than later. She tried to call him twice while she was preparing dinner but he didn't answer. She ended up sending him a text instead.

  U WANT 2 COME OVA 2NITE WHEN GRLS R IN BED SO WE CAN TALK?

  His reply came back quickly enough.

 
; 2 TIRED. C U 2MORROW

  Ash didn't bother to reply; she made the girls dinner and got them to bed early. They’d had a big weekend and needed an early night to make up for their exhaustion. She had a beer after she got the girls settled while she channel dialled, looking for something decent to watch. She couldn't do the romantic comedy screening and ended up with the TV on some music channel playing hits from the eighties. She tried to keep the tears at bay but wasn't very successful. She wanted to go to bed and fall asleep but her brain wouldn't slow down, and she knew it would be a futile effort. She ended up drifting off on the couch sometime around four am.

  ****

  Connor was miserable. It was two am and he still wasn't even remotely tired. He was, however, writing like a trooper; he thought not being able to get Ash out of his head would hinder his song writing efforts, but she had obviously triggered something positive in his brain and he had already penned the lyrics to three new songs, as well as notes regarding the tunes as well. He didn't want to sleep in his bed anyway so he figured while the creative juices were flowing he might as well keep going.

  ****

  Hayden couldn't remember the last time he was so sick. He woke up in the morning with his head pounding and his body aching, his throat was killing him. Summer flu, not what he wanted at all; he needed to talk to Ash, he wanted to let her know he wasn't angry with her, only worried. He'd never cared for anyone outside of his own family the way he cared for her. He didn't understand it, and he couldn't explain it, but he knew exactly what Connor was like because he was exactly the same, and despite her claims, Ash wasn't like that, she was a nice girl through and through.

  He pulled out his phone to call in sick at work but had to postpone the idea while he raced off to the toilet. Yeah, he was in for a great couple of days.

  ****

  Three days later and there was still no sign of Hayden at work. Ash knew he'd called in sick, but he still wasn't returning her calls or answering her texts either, except for a quick.

  GOT THE FLU, CALL U L8R.

  But even that was two days ago. She was sure he was just avoiding her now.

  Connor, on the other hand, was almost bordering on harassment. Well not really, but the pain her chest at hearing his voice made it feel like harassment.

  She'd forgotten she’d given him her number when he had sent the canoeing photos though and was surprised when he had called her Tuesday afternoon. She didn't recognise the number when it rang the first time so she hadn't answered it while she was still at work. When the same number called for the third time when she got home, she finally answered it.

  "Hello?"

  "Hi, Ash? It's me, Connor."

  As if he needed to tell her who it was, she'd immediately recognised his sexy raspy voice.

  "Hi Connor," she said cautiously, unsure of how to deal with the phone call. "How did you get my number?" she enquired, initially assuming Hayden was at least talking to him and had passed on the information.

  "You gave it to me," he replied, "while we were canoeing, remember?"

  Ash thought about it for a minute. "Oh yeah," she said. "What can I do for you Connor?"

  "Sorry to bother you. I was wondering if you've heard from Hayden at all, I haven't been able to reach him. I think he might be avoiding me."

  "He called in sick at work yesterday, I tried to call him and text him but he hasn't replied. I think he's angry at me. He knows about what happened between us, he hardly spoke to me the entire way home the other day."

  "Yeah I know, sorry, I should have said something before you left. He punched me at breakfast."

  "He what?" Ash was stunned.

  "Yeah, don't worry about it. It's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last."

  "I'm sorry Connor."

  "Don't be, I'm not. It was worth it. Listen Ash..." Connor faltered with what to say and how to say it. "I really don't want that to be it..."

  "Connor..."

  "I know, don't worry. Let me know if you hear from Hayden?"

  "Will do," Ash said before she hung up, once again fighting to control the tears. She wanted to feel his arms wrapped around her again. She couldn't believe how much she missed him, how much thoughts of him distracted her during the day, and kept her awake at night. If she didn't get some sleep tonight she was going to be like a walking zombie tomorrow. She was already a right real mess.

  ****

  Connor was struggling; he didn't have the guts to say anything to Ash. He had tried, but she shut him down so quick he wasn't able to keep going. He couldn't even get hold of Hayden and he really needed to talk to him, to clear the air between them, to hopefully make him understand he didn't betray him for a quick lay. He was actually interested in Ash and he also hoped Hayden might be able to point him the right direction for getting her to open up to him and agree to see him. He hadn't slept in the last three days, no more than six hours in total at least and he was starting to feel the effects of exhaustion when he walked into the restaurant to meet Ariane for dinner.

  She was already seated at a table when he walked into the restaurant so he didn't wait for the usher to seat him; he simply walked up and sat down in the seat opposite Ariane.

  "Holy crap! You look like shit Con. Are you sick? Are you coping with the song writing? Is everything okay?"

  "Yeah it's done," he said, placing the drafts on the table in front of her.

  Ariane looked up into his eyes, taking in the bruising and puffiness underneath. His skin was slightly off colour and he looked totally worn out. It wasn't anything most people would even notice, he was still so dammed hot it was unnerving, but she knew him so well she could easily pick up on subtleties.

  She pulled out the loose sheets and glanced quickly through them.

  "Wow! You've done all this in under a week?"

  Connor nodded and looked over the menu.

  "Wow! No wonder you look like shit. It’s different!" she said as she flicked through the papers.

  "Good different or bad different?"

  "Amazing different. Connor, I love this." Ariane looked up at him, a huge grin played on her face. "This is going to absolutely make you huge. It's awesome Connor. Inspiration?"

  "You have no idea." he said with a shake of his head.

  "Oh I have every idea," she said, "so is it serious?"

  Connor’s face fell.

  "What?"

  "A one-time thing."

  "What? Why? You obviously like her; you don't have to be an arse Connor."

  "She doesn't do relationships Ariane."

  "What? She was serious? I thought that was some sort of line."

  "Nope. I've been calling her and texting her all week, but I don't know how to get through to her. You're female, any suggestions?"

  "I... Connor I have no idea what to tell you. You need to know why she doesn't want a relationship to know how to approach it. Do you want a relationship? With her?"

  Connor raked his fingers back through his hair. "I don't know what I want Ariane, but I don't want to not have anything to do with her ever again. I need to see her."

  Ariane shook her head as she looked down at the plate that had been placed in front of her. "I don't know what to tell you Connor. I'd say call her, but I guess you already tried that. Ask Hayden, he knows her well enough, maybe he has an idea."

  "I can't reach him. That's been my excuse for calling and texting Ash, she said he hasn't been at work either, he’s called in sick, but he's not even returning my texts. He's got the shits with me about Ash; he knows we slept together so he's cut me off entirely."

  "So go and see him then. Do you want me to come with you?"

  Connor shook his head. "Give it up Ariane, he's seriously not interested."

  "Never."

  ****

  Chapter 11

  Hayden was still off sick and Ash was starting to worry, she decided to call in and check on him on her way home from work. The girls’ were having dinner with Mark's parents, which th
ey usually did once a fortnight, so she had some free time. Usually she'd try to squeeze in an extra kickboxing class or a run, but she decided it was time to confront Hayden instead, since he still refused to answer her calls or texts.

  Ash knocked on the door to Hayden's flat and waited, when there was no answer she knocked again at the same time pulling out her phone and calling his number. When there was no answer to either she sent a text.

  WHERE R U? I'M AT UR FRONT DOOR.

  She knocked again, louder this time, while she waited for a reply.

  Hayden lay in bed with his arm slung across his head, he heard the knocking at the front door but he didn't have the energy to get out of bed. When his phone started ringing he reached over to grab it off the bedside table, he noticed it was Ash calling but as he went to swipe to answer it, it skipped straight to missed call. He saw the message a moment later and dragged himself out of bed and to the front door, falling against it for a moment before managing to pull it open.

  Ash heard the thump against the front door as she was turning to walk away, it opened a moment later and Hayden stood there looking like death.

  "Oh my god, Hayden." she said as she barged through the door, putting a shoulder under his arm, she then pushed the front door closed and helped him back into his bedroom.

  "Have you been to the doctor?" she asked, lying him back down on his bed.

  He nodded in reply, unable to answer properly anyway because of the pain in his throat.

  "Are you on anything?" she asked.

  Hayden reached over to his bedside table and grabbed the script that was still sitting where he'd dropped it when he'd got back from the doctors the day before. He'd been too tired to stop on the way home and still hadn't managed to get back out to have it filled.

  "Seriously? Have you got any paracetamol, ibuprofen, anything?"

  He indicated the panadol pack. "I think I'm almost out." he whispered.

  Ash placed her hand over his forehead and realised it was as bad as she thought.

  She went to his bathroom and found a facecloth that she wet down with cold water; she took it back to the bedroom and placed it over his forehead. Then she went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass which she filled up with water, she took it back to the bedroom and made him sit up and drink some. He only took two small sips before shaking his head.